Valley of Malls
by Theoretical
Summary: A songfic about the day after Thanksgiving. Will any of the male NCIS agent survive shopping the day after Thanksgiving? Will they enjoy it? One bad word.


Disclaimer: Don't own anything but this computer.

* * *

_The King of Araby is coming home today  
It's bumper touching bumper on the motorway_

"I'm soooooooo bored." moaned Tony. He had been unpleasant ever since, the day after thanksgiving, he had been awakened to go shopping.

McGee, Gibbs and Ducky who had also been recruited to carry bags by Abby and Kate were not complaining, mostly because they weren't driving, in fact, they had a bet going about how long Tony would last.

McGee had the most confidence in him, saying he would last until one in the afternoon.

The lowest bet was that made by Abby. She said he'd die before they got into the mall.

"Move it, you old hag!" Tony yelled out the window at an old lady who gave him the finger. He husnad sitting next to her reached under the seat for something and revealed a cane, which slowly yet surely, he stuck out his car window and attempted to hit Tony with, "shit!" Tony screamed and swerved the almost horizontally into a different lane.

_The sun is in the sky just now  
But the road is gray_

"I think I've gone color blind." McGee said sarcastically. It was 8:00 am, and they were almost at the mall. Tony hadn't died yet and Abby was getting anxious about losing her $20.

"Oh, dear!" Ducky exclaimed and pulled out a very complete medical kit he carried with him almost everywhere.

"All I see is gray." McGee stared out the window.

"That's normal." Gibbs muttered as he adjusted his seat belt. He wasn't accustomed to being in the back of a car, but was defiantly happy he wasn't driving. He'd driven his 2nd wife to the mall the day after Thanksgiving one year and wasn't eager to it again.

"We're here!" Tony jumped into his seat forgetting he hadn't undone his seat belt."  
_  
They drive in Winnebago's from the Everglades  
Pulled over by the troopers in the mirror shades  
The Caravan is sorry  
The driver has a twenty and change  
_  
"Sir?" asked a rent-a-cop He tapped Tony on the back, "you need to pay for those sunglasses."

"I just turned around. I wasn't leaving. Just showing them to her." he pointed at Kate, who hadn't been paying attention to the Tony and the rent-a-cop, and was deep in conversation the Abby, both were complaining about how 'the boys' were taking so much time at the sunglass booth.

"Excuse me ma-am? Do you know him?" The rent-a-cop asked pointing in the general direction of Tony, however more towards a complete stranger.

"Nope." she shrugged and the 'cop' went back to hassling Tony.

Five minutes and one annoying rent-a-cop alter, Tony was the slightly angry owner of large pink sunglasses that cost $20.78

_And we're leaving all the road for dead  
We're getting tired of the twists and turns  
You gotta go when human nature calls  
We're driving, we're driving  
Through the valley of malls  
_

"Can we stop for food?" Gibbs asked knowing what the answer would be.

"What do you think the power bars are for?" Kate asked. She and Abby had packed power bars, water and peanuts so they wouldn't have to stop for food.

"Breakfast?" offered McGee. He had eaten three power bars and half the peanuts for breakfast. He had also drank a few bottles of water.

"Those were are lunch! They aren't going to let us stop!" Tony glared at McGee his anger rising.

"You guys can get food while I'm in the bathroom." McGee offered.

Kate and Abby looked at him then at a store advertising; Buy one pair of jeans, get one half off and another one free!

"But human nature calls!" McGee whined.

_And God forgive the passengers if we should fail  
To find a penny fountain or a half-off sale  
_

"So you mean to tell us that we can stop at a penny fountain for Ducky, but Gibbs, McGee and I can't even go to the bathroom?" Tony asked as Ducky thought up a wish for the penny fountain.

"Well, he _was_ the only one who didn't complain…" Kate and Abby shrugged.

"But he likes shopping!" Tony's arms flew in the air.

"So? I like sports. Does that make me un-feminine? Does Ducky liking shopping make him un-manly? I think not. In fact, it's very attractive."

"Your insane."

_I need a merchant  
I've just started searching for a holy grail  
_

Abby's eyes grew wide as the looked at a pair of pants. Kate was soon at her side and let out a small 'wow. Those would look great on you.'

"Gibbs!" Abby called, and knowing it was better not to argue, if they were going to leave the mall before Christmas.

"Find a merchant or these in a size 4." Tony appeared behind Gibbs holding up a pair of extremely short, pink shorts that had the name 'Kate' written on the butt.

"Looks like your Abby's slave." Tony laughed.

Kate looked at the shorts and kicked Tony's shin.

"Looks like your Kate's punching bag." Gibbs told Tony as he pulled a size four off the rack and handed them to Abby, "By the way, McGee went to the bathroom." he whispered.

_Fighting for the freedom from a common bond  
To be a barracuda in the guppy pond  
_

"Please, please, please, please, please, please, please can we go in there! Their having a great sale! 20 off!" Tony begged Kate and Abby.

"Why? So you can turn into a barracuda?" Asked McGee, he had become nastier over the last hour.

"Dude, do you even know what a Barracuda is?" asked an on-looker.

"Yeah, McGee. I'd say Tony's toxic already." Kate quipped. There was no way they were going into Victoria's Secret with Tony nearby.

_So little time for so many things to try on  
And we're leaving all the road for dead  
We're getting tired of the twists and turns  
You gotta go when human nature calls  
We're driving, we're driving  
Through the valley of malls_

"Am I dead?" whispered Tony as he collapsed into the car.

"No, but if you were, I'd have won the bet." Abby got into the drivers seat.

"Never doing this again." Gibbs said and McGee nodded.

"Want to go next Thursday?" Asked Ducky.

----

End!


End file.
